Ellie's
Column
Go Ahead, Say Never
We've all heard the expression "Never
say never." Simply put, it warns that
one should avoid getting too smug,
confident or self-assured about the
decisions or circumstances that arise
each day. It suggests that life is full
of the unknowable and that we should not
make too many plans that we presume to
be set in stone. It predicts that we
will eventually and most certainly eat
our words.
I'll not forget being told by
some well meaning (modern) women that I
would literally curse out Frank on the
delivery table during the birth of our
first child. No doubt about it-they said
I would curse and say mean things to
him. I have many other flaws, but
I don't curse. I had never cursed at
Frank before. Why would I curse at him
in the hospital?
The very long labor didn't go well
and I then I pushed for another 7
hours but the baby was unfortunately in
a "brow presentation" and so they did an
emergency C-section and I actually heard
the doctor say "oops" when he cut my
bladder six inches and I spent 10 days
in the hospital and my breasts became
engorged and started bleeding and I went
home with a urine bag. But you know
what?
I never cursed.
Well, I have had some
unkind thoughts through the years-but I
never had that predicted outburst in the
delivery room. I never swore off having
another baby. I never blamed Frank for
getting me pregnant. I never resented
anything I went through in order to help
bring that angel into the world. I never
even thought about suing that doctor.
(I've thought about it since but
it's too late now).
Two years later, I had well
meaning (frazzled) mothers tell me to
absolutely expect to go through "The
Terrible Two's" with my daughter Paris.
They said she would throw food and fists
and fits. They said she would scream and
shame me in public. They said I would
find myself giving in just not to hear
her whine. But you know what?
She never became terrible.
Over a decade later, when Paris
and her brother Jordan were moving from
childhood to pre-adolescence, the
(psychologically astute) public school
counselors sent home literature telling
parents to expect behavioral changes and
that the pre-teen would pull away for a
season and to anticipate some "natural
rebellion" to take place. They informed
us the kids might confide in them before
they'd come to us. But you know what?
They never rebelled.
As Frank and I neared our
seventh wedding anniversary, I came
across so many articles about the "Seven
Year Itch" in marriage and how sexual
boredom, infidelity and divorce were
knocking on my door just waiting to
pounce. But you know what?
Frank
never had an affair.
Next year, I'll celebrate 25 years of
(occasionally) blissful marriage to
"boyfriend" and our relationship is
sweeter than ever. We see the prize at
the end of the finish line and we refuse
to drop out of the race. We are not
perfect and we are not always compatible
and to tell the truth, we are not always
kind to one another. But you know what?
I will never get divorced.
The kids are now all teenagers and
our precious firstborn (for whom I
sacrificed a corner of my bladder), is
visiting colleges. Hard to believe how
the years have flown. Forget the clock--I'd
love to freeze the calendar--to hold off
the months and years just a bit. But
since that is not going to happen, have
learned to live with deeper purpose,
greater intention, less regrets, and
more passion for the moment.
Never say never, Ellie! You should
be careful sitting up there on your high
perch.
It's a long way down. Enjoy the fall.
No, no, no! That's not my
intention-please don't
misunderstand. I have not shared these
things to boast in any way or to convey
that my life is trouble free. Trials and
hurts are a normal and expected facet of
the human condition. You, know, the Adam
& Eve connection. Trouble? If you don't
have any trouble, check your pulse! But
just because we face many difficulties
doesn't mean we should let down our
guard or weaken our resolve to be and do
God's best. Satan is constantly dangling
that carrot of mediocrity, indifference
and self-defeat in front of us. We are
also prone to being critical of
ourselves and others. It's called
"negative self-talk" and it leads to
one's compromise and demise;
My marriage is better than
average.
At least my kids aren't on drugs.
I treat my mother better than my
brother does.
I don't take as much stuff from work
as other people do.
I worked hard to earn this money;
Uncle Sam won't miss it.
It's only a movie-what could it hurt?
Overeating? No-it's my thyroid.
The cable? A friend hooked it up!
I only get that magazine for the
great interviews.
Psychology offers much supportive
reasoning for healthy "self -talk." In
simplest terms-it's the little red
engine saying "I think I can, I think I
can." In spiritual terms, it's praying
along with David through the Psalms or
working on Beth Moore's book "Praying
the Scriptures." We must be immovable in
this world of shifting sand. Many verses
encourage us to stand. What are
"I will never" areas that you
need to reclaim and reassert in your
life today? Looking to flex your
spiritual muscles? Go ahead and draw
your line in the sand. You may be
surprised about what a coward the bully
really is. Trust the Lord and lean on
Him and get ready for a good fight Yes,
the battle rages but our God reigns.
"Greater is He that is in me than He
that is in the world." Let's rumbleÄ
Whoever wishes for peace should prepare
for war. --Vegetius
In war there is no prize for the
runner-up. --General
Omar Bradley
It is fatal to
enter any war without the will to win
it. --General Douglas MacArthur
